Don’t know if you read about this or not, but apparently rap superstar/clothing designer/video game character/vitamin drink creator/ author/ actor/ public feud engager/ media mogul 50 Cent was made an offer by the culinary delicatessen, Taco Bell, to change his name from 50 Cent to 79 Cent for one day to promote Taco Bell’s Value Menu. They also wanted him to rap his order at a drive through. And in exchange they’d donate $10,000 to his charity of choice.

Wow, that is awesome. But apparently, 79 was not impressed and has now threatened to sue Taco Bell on grounds that they have horrible ideas. If you ask me, I think this whole situation boils down to one thing – “Street Cred.” Fitty is playing it smart and protecting his cred. He can’t be seen changing his name and shlockin’ some taco at the same time. If he was shlockin’ a new record, that might be different, but that’s not the point. The point is that the rap game is not a place where product endorsements and charitable donations abound… well, I suppose one of them abound… but anyways…

This got me thinking about my street cred. 79 cent is loaded with cred because he was a drug dealer who got shot in the face. Now, I got shot in the face once with a paintball gun. The only thing is that I was wearing a protective mask. But it still scared the shit out of me so I think that still counts. But unfortunately/fortunately, I have nothing to compare to the drug dealing.

As an independent pop singer/songwriter, I’ll admit that my street cred requirements are someone lower that that of an international gangsta-rap superstar, but I do feel that some cred is still needed to be taken seriously. So I started thinking about what kind of things one would need to hold enough street cred in the pop world. I’ve compiled a list:
1. I’ve had my heart broken
2. I’ve moved on and am stronger for it, but am sure I will feel hurt again.
3. I have sexual desires.
4. (This one’s for the indie popers out there) I own a pair of converse.

Now, from what I can gather from the pop music world, that really should be enough. But I’ve decided to up the anti. So here are some extra qualities of mine that I believe lift my street cred well above the acceptable level. You can do your own list at home.
5. I’ve been shot in the face with a paintball gun
6. I once smashed a guitar (now I would have gotten huge bonus points for this one had I smashed it over some dude in a bar fight)
7. I’ve played a show to a room with one person in it.
8. I’ve played a show to a room with the maximum number of occupants in it.
9. I’ve been in a fist fight an won.
10. I’ve never been a drug dealer but did once witness a drug deal going down from across the street.

Now, I started thinking about what I could do with all this excess cred, and to be honest, I can’t do a lot. So it occurred to me that if I were to partner with Taco Bell, my street cred might take a knock, but it’s cool, because I’ve got way more than I need anyway. So I thought, “What’s stopping us?”. Tomorrow, we will change our name to “Salsa and the Peso” and right after stopping and buying some immodium, we will go to a Taco Bell and sing our order for a chicken burrito in the form of a beautiful, heart warming ballad. Now all we need to do is decide on our charity of choice… hmmm… what’s that one Bono runs again? Working with Bono would definitely push my street cred back up to pre-Taco Bell levels!!

M@