Allow me to tell you a little story. When I was 11 years old, I went over to my friend Paul’s place. Beautiful summer day. Paul takes me up to his room, and we’re chatting away, listening to some music. He says, “Oh, I have to play you this, I got it from my brother.” His brother was older, and very cool, so I was all ears. He puts in a tape, and I look at the case. It’s a tape by a band called Guns ‘n’ Roses, and the title of the album is “Appetite for Destruction.” Are you kidding me? I’m 11, and to be honest, I’m slightly afraid.

Well… holy shit. Everyone’s got that their story of when they were hooked by music. I was obsessed with Michael Jackson when I was younger (and actually taught myself to dance like him pretty well… ask my highschool), and a bunch of other songs and artists made me dance and sing along, but at that moment, on a hot August day in Paul’s room, I fell in love with a band. I went and bought all their tapes (I had to be very industrious and sneaky, as I was 11, so had limited access to funds, and it was harder than originally anticipated to convince my parents to buy me music by a band with “Guns” in there name, and song titles like “Back off Bitch” and “Right next door to Hell”), and I’d go over to Paul’s and we’d listen to them and talk about how cool they were. He was really into Megadeath and Iron Maiden as well, but I was hooked on the Guns. They looked so awesome in all their photos; Slash always trashed, Axl a bit like a chick, Duff totally out of it. And the Izzy Stradlin trivia was always a hot topic of discussion.

Then it happened. In the fall of 1992, there was an announcement in the paper that G’n’Fn’R were touring across Canada, and making a stop in Edmonton. No Calgary show, but I was not deterred by the three hour drive north. I, having no money or means to make any, begged my parents for tickets. I had never been to a concert before, but knew I wanted to go, and that it would kick ass. Ma and Pa said they’d check it out. Too late. Sold out. No tickets. Major bummer!!

FFWD to xmas morning. I have a present under the tree. It’s a shoe box with something fairly heavy in it. Shoes? No, doesn’t feel right. I open it. Next to a hockey puck (cunningly used as a gift distraction) were two tickets to Guns n’ Roses in Edmonton. I nearly shat myself. I don’t remember what else I got for Christmas that year, or any year to be honest, but I remember that clear as day. I’m sure my parents didn’t approve of my idol worship of drug addicted, womanizing, rockstars, but they were cool enough to support my passion for it. Thank you Mom and Dad.

Amazing concert. My first. I get a T-Shirt. Axl delays the start of the show 2 hours because he can’t find his Bob Dylan tape he wants to listen to. But they do hit the stage. They play all the hits. There’s topless chicks on the stage bringing them beers. I’m sure I’ve gone deaf. I’m excited, stunned, terrified, in awe, almost wishing it would end just so I could tell everyone I knew all about it.
The only other guy I knew at the show was my friend Greg. We both wore our t-shirts to school the next day, and talked endlessly about the show. My t-shirt had the band animated as skeletons, ala Appetite, and Greg’s had their logo with the song title “Coma” on it, and all the dates on the back. Damn, I want the dates on the back of mine. Idiot. I could circle my show with a sharpy, so everyone would know I was there. Don’t panic, my shirt’s still super cool.

Let’s jump now to present day. After 3.5 eons, Chinese Democracy is set to drop in a few short days. This is a major moment. There’s not a lot of bands of such mythical proportions left that are actually releasing new, good, material. These guys redefined rock music. I find myself feeling as excited as I did 16 years ago. Sure, the original members have all been stripped away, but the voice, the attitude, and (I hate to use this word, but it’s true) the brand are still the same. I’ll miss Slash in the promo photos, but as far as the music goes, Slash inspired so many kids to copy his style exactly, there’s more than a few decent Slash knockoffs out there. I really think Axl is going to completely knock this one out of the park. He has to. My 13 year old “rock n roll loving, idol worshipping, fist in the air, wish I could rock that hard but am in reality way too much of a wuss, this is the best F’n band in the world” inner child is depending on it.

m@

p.s. Possibly the best part of the record is that democracy actually almost came to China before this record was done. That would have taken a little wind out of Axl’s sails… and possibly his sales, too.

So, we just got back from playing a show in Toronto the other night. Had a great time and met a bunch of great people. Thanks to everyone who came out to the show. We’ll see you again soon.

I’m always amazed at the size of this country. Flying from Vancouver to Toronto is almost 5 hours. I may as well just hang on for a couple more hours and be in England… on ANOTHER CONTINENT!!! That’s insane. But the change from Vancouver to Toronto is a bit like another country. It’s a very different city with a very different history, and a very different energy, and I start to understand the geographical/cultural divide of Canada. There’s more people living along one highway in Southern Ontario than the entire rest of the country combined. If I lived there, I wouldn’t give a shit about what people in Alberta think either. There’s more people there, and in turn, more political seats in parliament than are representative of the rest of the country. And we wonder why people are disenfranchised with politics in Canada and why we just recorded the lowest voter turn out ever.

It was bad enough when I was a kid and no cool bands came to Calgary, but rather, they toured the hell out of Montreal and Toronto and area. That pissed me off. And not to say that politicians are as intelligent as rock bands, but if those bands knew the “important” area of the country, and ignored the rest, then we can assume that politicians would do the same. This, I feel, leads to a bit of a disconnection, and in turn, voter apathy.

We’ve got to shake the apathy out of this country. Let’s just, for a second, take a page out of the American’s playbook. You want people to pay attention? You pay attention to what the people are paying attention to. Last night, I had a choice between watching Die Hard, or the new Obama infomercial. And I picked the infomercial!!!!! WTF??? It’s like the best action flick of all time, and I’m not talking about Die Hard (Please note, Die Hard is one kick ass movie, and I mean no disrespect to that classic, intricate film). The suspense never ends. It goes on and on. Will our hero prevail, and save the entire nation, no, scratch that… the entire planet??!!! Or will the old, bitter, evil genius and his negative tactics of the darkside prevail? Use the force! The force!!! Next thing we’re going to find out is that McCain is Obama’s father, and he’ll cut off his hand, but he’ll get a new one put back on, but he’ll learn that he’s married his sister, but that still won’t be as creepy as the thought of McCain making out with his android wife. I’m out of Popcorn!!!!!

It’s amazing. Elections happen every four years, but this one has raised the bar. For as long as I can remember, it seems the American elections are a choice between Coke and Pepsi. But this year is different. It’s a choice between Coke and Crystal Pepsi. And I thought the public had it’s referendum on Crystal Pepsi and made the verdict pretty damn clear back in the early 90’s. How clear was this verdict? Crystal. (Thank you). And yet, it’s still an (allegedly) tight race. Why? What’s the issue? If this race were happening in Canada, and I was Mr. Obama’s campaign manager, it would be a completely different story. The CBC would hold one debate that no one would watch. Fine, no worries there. We’ll just assume all of Quebec votes for the bloc. Fine, take it. In the maritimes and western Canada, you play those old Crystal Pepsi commercials and randomly insert photos of John McCain to remind people what a bad idea that was, and what a bad idea it will be again. Then you go for the clincher. Think about it – Palin killed a Moose. A moose! The moose is on our Money!!! The queen is on our money, and if you kill her, you get in really big trouble. Does no one else think the moose killing should be similar? All you need is a few dozen moose supports/Crystal Pepsi haters like myself out west, and you’re ready for the coupe de grace. We take the remainder of the $600 million Obama’s raised for his campaign and buy every household in southern Ontario a new car. No attack ads (aside from the ones on soft drinks), no campaign speeches, no platforms, just a really kick ass bribe to the area of the country that has the most people, and in turn, the most voters.

Done and done.

This is our new marketing plan. We’re going to raise $6oo Million, and then use that money to bribe the masses into buying our album. If it works we could be millionaires!!!! I’m a genius.